last moments
by jennywinger
Summary: Elliot and Olivia know each other for two years now, Elliot and Kathy are having a divorce. After a car-accident, Olivia is diagnosed with a disease, something Elliot noticed before the accident. Elliot is her partner and best friend through all the problems that come with curing this decease. But when the undeniable truth comes knocking, will they be able to handle it?
1. Chapter 1

'Hey El, you heading out?' She asked.

'Yeah, Kathy's upset.' He replied while putting on his coat. 'We've been arguing all week, no, make that all month.'

'That sucks.' She took a sip of her coffee, seeing she would pull an allnighter. 'It's going to be ok, right?'

'I just don't know anymore.' He sighed. 'If it wasn't for maureen, kathleen and the twins, I think it'd be long over.'

'Sucks.' She said again. 'You know what you wanna do?'

'Yeah.'

'Wanna talk? I'm up for a break anyway.' She took the last sip of her coffee before throwing the empty can in the trash.

He looked at his watch. 'It's not like she isn't going to be less angry with me if I'm ten minutes later.' He tried to rationalize it for himself. Then he looked her up and down. 'And you are way too thin. We should get some food into ya.'

She smirked. 'Fine, let's head out.' She too put on her coat. The walk to the elevator was a silent one. Neither Elliot nor Olivia was sure what to say, and when they finally decided they wanted to speak to break the awkward silence other people filled the elevator. Once those people exited to get to their own floor and they were alone again they just didn't know what to say. Olivia couched when they reached the ground floor and the elevatordoors opened with a loud DING. The walk to the car was even more awkward, if that were even possible. Once they dropped their asses on the seats it felt like the old routine again.

'So...Pats'?' She asked.

He nodded. 'I know how much you like those sandwiches.'

She lost herself in her own world. 'Oh yeah, I really do. I love 'em.'

He waved his hand in front of her. 'Liv? Wake up, I don't want you drooling on my car.'

'Just drive.' She made an inappropriate handgesture. He smirked. The drive to pats' took over 10 minutes and Elliot knew he was screwed. But hey, what the hell. If he was gonna get yelled at, it'd be best at a filled stomach. They walked inside, after carefully parking, and selected their favorite booth. The rather unattractive waitress brought them menu's but Olivia knew what she wanted in advance. She always did.

'I'll have this one please.' She pointed at the name. 'With a diet coke.'

'I can't believe that after so many times of ordering the same fucking sandwich over and over again you still can't pronounce it.'

She shot him a look. 'Thanks.'

'Give me the same please.' He said smiling. 'No wait, I'll have a hamburger, extra cheese, no pickles.' He couched. 'And don't you dare bring me a diet coke. I want regular.' He joked.

'What is it with you and pickles?' She teased.

'I just don't like 'em.'

'I just don't like green eggs and ham, I just don't like 'em, sam I am.' She said.

'Dr Seus. I've read it often enough.'

'Have you now?'

'Got kids.'

'I know. So how old are the twins by now? Five? Six?'

'Yeah, six about now.'

'Elliot.' She started. 'We're here to talk. So...Talk.' The waitress brought them their drinks. Olivia gladly took a sip of hers, not taking her eyes of her partner for a second.

'Yeah. You're right.'

'How'd it start?' She tried to get him started on the story.

'Same old, same old. Apparently we are having an affair.'

'Damn! I told you not to do that without me knowing.' She quipped.

He smirked. 'Thanks. Wanna know the rest or are you going to keep interrupting me?'

'Sorry, continue.'

'So I come home late, fourth time in a row, and there she is, waiting, on the couch. I take of my coat and it starts. "So where is your partner? Aren't you supposed to fuck her around this time?" She threw in my face. Along with some other lovely accusations... about you mostly, and the job, that are a little to filthy to repeat in public.'

She smirked. He stopped for a little while so the waitress could give them their food and leave.

'So from then on, every time I got home late she accused me of stuff. She'd throw horrible rows about nothing. She'd let the kids watch us fight, Lizzy was crying most of the days and Dicky was having nightmares and got stressed out. Kathleen sided with her mother, Maureen was just happy we were occupied so she could sneak out every second.'

'Rough.'

'Yeah.'

They sat in silence for a while, until Olivia broke it.

'So what are you two gonna do, this afternoon I mean.'

'I'm guessing drawing up divorcepapers.'

'You're going to end it? Definitely?' She asked while taking a large bite. 'El, I dunno, shouldn't you try relationshiptherapy first?'

'Thought about it. Hell, I suggested it. But she told me the problem laid at my side and that I should take care of "it".'

'"it" being me?'

'Yeah.'

'Please don't kill me.' She joked as she stole some of his fries.

'If you take another one of my fries I might actually. You with your diet coke and healthy sandwich.' He said. He took another greasy bite, the fat combined with ketchup and mayonnaise dripped of his chin. 'And then eating MY food?'

'Well actually this..' She lifted her sandwich in the air. 'Is yours too, since you're paying for lunch.'

'What?'

'Oh c'mon. I paid for donuts.'

'Not fair, I'm getting divorced! I should get a free lunch. Do you know how expensive divorcing is?'

'I can guess.'

'You're paying.'

'But I'm the lady.'

'Try telling that to the last perv. You kicked the shit out of him.' He teased while laughing so hard she could see the half devoured burger in his mouth.

'You have no manners whatsoever. First you insult me by saying I'm not a lady, then you're making me pay for everything and to add to the list you just gave me a shot of what I must say is the most gruesome thing ever. What kind of meat is that you're eating, it looks so greasy!'

'Cow.' He answered plainly. 'Or horse, I dunno, I don't care, it's delicious.' He raised an eyebrow. 'And I was paying you a compliment.'

'Grose.' She pulled a face. 'And thanks.'

He almost pushed the burger in her mouth. 'Taste it.'

'No thanks.' She pushed it away. 'I'm not feeling like a heartattack today.'

'Oh.' He shrugged and finished what was left with two of the largest bites ever before taking the other half of her sandwich.

'Hey!' She yelled as she tried to get it back.

'If I'm paying, then I wanna know what I'm paying for.' He took such a big bite the sandwich was split in half. He placed the small half back on her plate.

'Thanks. True chivalry.' She raised her eyebrows and smirked.

'Liv?'

'Yeah?' She looked up from her sandwich in his eyes.

'Are you... Is that...?' He tried.

'What El? Something wrong?' She asked, a little confused.

'Your nose is bleeding.'

'What?' She looked into the reflection of the napkinholder. 'Oh.'

'Does that happen often?' He asked while handing her some napkins.'

'Yeah.'

**So, I know this is a short first chapter, but I'm tired. This story is going to be so great, and I'm gonna make and ****awesome sequel. Believe me, if you're anything like me, you'll love it. I got this idea after watching this awesome movie with abigail breslin and another great movie that really made me cry: my sisters keeper, also with abigail breslin. It's gonna be comparable but a little bit sadder.**

** Tell me what you think so far, I love reviews.**

**Spoiler: 20 chapters long, death and love (at the end)**


	2. Chapter 2

'What do you mean "yeah"?' He asked. 'Olivia, if your node bleeds regularly you should visit a doctor.'

She whiped the last of the blood and then smirked. 'There is no way in hell I'm gonna go to a hospital. No.'

'Well, can't force ya.'

'Not with those chickenbones you call arms.' She casually finished her coke while he was shooting arows at her.

'Wao. You really know how to talk people into buying you lunch.' He said sarcastically.

'Thanks. We learn it at girlschool.'

'Along with annoying the crap out of your coworkers.' He quipped.

'Oh aren't we funny? No.' She rolled her eyes the way she always did. He loved that.

'El, we should get going. You have a break up to go to and I have a ton of paperwork.'

'Yeah.' He sighed.

'Just promise me one thing. Make sure the kids are out of the house. They don't need to be traumatized.'

'You're right.' He admitted.

'Of course I am. Now pay the bill prettyboy and I can get on my way.'

'Don't need a lift?' He asked.

'Naw. I can walk, that's good for me, ya know. Also, you should get home this instant.' She put on her coat and smiled at him. 'Good luck. Call me if you need to talk.' She patted his back before sighing and walking out the diner.

Elliot paid the bill, knowing his wife was going to kill him for it and walked to his car. He could just see Olivia as she turned the corner, then she was gone. A walk to the precinct could easily take a half hour. He suspected she prefered walking over having to do paperwork so he didn't feel guilty. Sadly for him the drive home, which he hoped would last for hours so he could avoid the inavoidable, took only a couple of minutes, never was New York traveling so easy, damn it. He parked, locked the car and walked to his frontdoor. He hesatated. But then he spoke to himself.

'C'mom Elliot Stabler, you're acting like a whimp. Be a man and do it.' And with that said he quickly opened the door and walked inside. There, Kathy was standing, holding a box of tisues. She onviously has been crying.

'You're home.' She stated. 'Later that we said. Couldn't control yourself?' She asked. 'Needed a quicky?'

'Kath, c'mon. Don't do this.'

'No, fuck you Elliot Stabler! I called your captain and he told me you left an hour ago. Even with the worst trafic ever it wouldn't take that long! And there is almost no traffic this time of day! You should have been home at least half an hour ago!'

'No you're right, my partner, Liv, and I grapped some lunch.'

'What?' She barked. 'We are on the verge of a divorce anc you decide it can wait so you can fill your stomach?'

'It probably wasn't the smartest idea ever, but you need to understand something. There is NOTHING between me and Liv, ok?'

'Fine.' She clearly didn't believe him yet, but he didn't care anymore.

'So. What you wanna do?'

'I don't know, Elliot, I just don't know.'

'I can tell you what I want.'

'A divorce?' She guessed.

He sighed. 'Yeah. But Liv suggested we go to a therapist first and try to work it out.'

Her eyes became big. 'So now I'm supposed to take marriage advice from the forever-alone-whore?'

'Damm it, Kathy! That's it! You never even gave her a chance to begin with and now I've had it. You want to be separated, fine. Let's get divorced.'

'What?'

'I'm serious. I will go to the courtroom right now and ger the papers. We'll devide our assets and see what to do with the kids and I'll move out.'

'Ok.'

He shook his head. 'You see, Kathy, this is why I want one. You don't want to fight for what we used to have.'

'I can't look past what we have now.'

'I get that, I really do. But...' He sighed. 'We just don't work anymore.'

She nodded. 'Get the papers. We'll pnly speak through lawyers from now on.'

He nodded too. 'Fine.' He grabbed the coat he had hung up and left his house. He was going to make Liv very happy, now she didn't have to do all that paperwork herself. The drive to the precinct took about 20 minutes. He parked and walked up to the bullpen, where he was surprised to see Olivia wasn't at her desk. Then he noticed the tension, hanging in the air.

'Hey Fin, where's Liv?' He asked.

'What?' He looked startled. 'You mean you don't know?'

'No...' He raised his eyebrows. 'What's wrong?'

'Liv had an accident, Cragen is with her at the hospital.'

'What?' He almost yelled. 'Which one? I'm going!'

'Mercy.'

'Thanks!' He yelled back while running to his car. Oh Liv, please be ok. He almost caused a couple of accidents himself on the way to the hospital. When he finally reached it he didn't care he double parked, he just wanted to know if Liv was ok. He ran to the reception and flashed his badge, almost shoving it down the desk clerks throat.

'Olivia Benson, Olivia Benson!'

'Sir, get your hands out of my face! And relax!' The now very angry desk clerk yelled, but then again, she did almost get a badge shoved down her throat. She looked at her computer, scrolled for a bit but then answered. 'Olivia Benson, let's see. She's in the ER. Had a nasty accident.'

'Which way is ER?' He asked, in a rush.

She pointed.

'Thanks!' He ran in the direction she pointed in, then followed the signs. He opened the doors and almost ran into his captain.

'Cap?' He asked. A little surprised to see him. But then he didn't care anymore. He just wanted to know how his partner was doing. 'How's Liv?'

'I don't know, they won't let me see her. But the doctor'd be right in to talk to me.' He corrected himself. 'Us.'

'What happened?' Was his next logical question.

'For some reason she was walking to the precinct. She, err, either made a mistake and didn't pay attention to her surroundings or someone ran into her on purpose, though not likely. Anyhow, she crossed the street and a car ran her over. A truck, I believe. According to witnesses she flew a few feet into the air before landing on the middle of the street, where she was hit by a cab.'

'My god. She isn't going to survive this, is she?' He asked. Not really wanting to know the answer.

'She is. I'm sure she is. Elliot, breath, why don't you get a glass of water, you're all shaken up.'

'Cap, this is my fault. I should never have let her walk home.' He suddenly realized his guilt.

'What? Elliot, what are you saying?'

'We had lunch and I should have driven her back, but I didn't.'

'Elliot.' He sighed. 'You can't blame yourself for this. She walks everywhere. This could've happened any other time.'

'No, no, no, I should have drove her. I did it. If I drove her back she would be doing paperwork right now, nothing would be wrong.' He let out a sob. 'But instead she's in there, dying.' He got frustrated and pushed his fists into the wall. 'Why aren't they saying anything?'

'Elliot, relax. Come on, man, it's going to be fine.'

Just as he finished that sentence a man in a white coat opened the doors and walked towards them. He looked on a chart and then directed his attention to Cragen and Elliot.

'Either one of you Elliot Stabler?' He asked.

Elliot lifted his hand. 'Yeah, I am.' Then he started asking questions. 'How is she?'

'She is fine. She'll make a full recovery.' He looked at the chart. 'It's actually remarkably considering the accident. Not even a broken bone.'

'You're serious?' Elliot asked, relieved but also almost curtain that the doctor meant someone else, and that Liv was seriously injured and dying somewhere.

'No, I am. She got a pretty deep cut in her hip from a piece of glass, she lost a lot of blood but nothing life threatening. And some head trauma, but that'd be expected. I want to keep her over night, just to be sure. But, seeing as miss Benson has already threw a bedpan and some other things in reach to me and my nurses when we suggested her to spend a couple of nights here, we don't expect her to stay much longer. As soon as the bloodwork comes back and she's well enough to leave, then god, please, we'll let her leave.'

Thank god. That sounded as the Olivia he knew. He saw Cragen smirking, probably thinking the exact same thing. 'Can we see her?'

'Of course, right this way.' The doctor walked them to a room, but then quickly left, not wanting to be at risk of something else thrown at his head.

'Hey Liv.' Elliot heard Cragen say the first thing. 'How you feeling?' He asked.

'Like I've been hit by two motorized vehicles.' She sat up and smirked. 'I wanna leave this hospital. El take me home.' She demanded.

He smirked. 'The doctor wants to keep you in for another night.'

'No way, I'm leaving. I hate hospitals.' She said. He knew that.

'I know you do, Liv, but it's for your own safety.'

'Yeah sure.' She crossed her arms. 'So, what you got for me?' She asked.

'What?' Bot Elliot and Cragen asked.

'Presents.' She said. When they raised their eyebrows she did too. 'I've been in a horrible accident, I'm lucky to be alive! Don't I deserve chocolate at least?'

They both laughed. The head trauma hadn't changed her. 'Sure, I'll get you some? Pure?'

'No, are you insane, I'd like milk.' With that said Cragen left, still smirking.

'So...' Elliot started.

'You're feeling guilty, aren't you?' She asked, no, rather stated.

'Yeah.'

'I knew.' She sighed. 'El, you don't need to feel sorry about a thing. I was crossing the street, got distracted by a sign and got hit. It's my own goddamn fault.'

'You sure? I feel like I should've brought you back...'

'Oh El.' She interrupted. 'Don't do this to yourself. I walk home alone so many times I can't even count them. It's my fault, ok?'

'Thanks, Liv.' And he was really thankful.

'We palls again?' She quipped.

'Never stopped.' Then he thought of something. 'What sign got you so distracted?'

'I don't wanna say.' She said.

'Oh c'mon. You can tell me anything.'

'Fine, it was a poster from Hugo Boss.'

'You liked his suit?'

'He wasn't wearing any. It was a boxershort commercial.'

He clapped his hands and laughed. Cragen opened the door and walked in. Shooting a glare at them, before handing Olivia her chocolate.

'What's so funny?' He demanded to know.

'Liv got hit by a car because she was checking out some half-naked dude on a poster.' He wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye. 'She really is a guy.'

'Oh har-dy-har!' She crossed her arms again. 'Cut it out, Elliot. You suck!'

'Oh now, come on, you two.' Cragen smirked, liking the conversation. 'Be friends.'

Olivia took a bite out of her chocolatebar. 'Mmmmm!' She licked her lips. 'This is sooo good, and you're not getting any!'

'That's not fair!'

She broke of a piece and threw it to Cragen.

'Wao, this is good!' He did like the chocolate, but he over exaggerated to help her in her quest to annoy Elliot. Just as this man started to object, and bargaining for a piece, the doctor walked back in. The look on his face told it all.

**So, this is it so far, tell me what you think. I love getting reviews, if you have any ideas on anything (from the decease to the characterdevelopment) please, do tell!**

**ps: Can someone explain to me what those ****ratings are? They ask me that and I just pick one randomly but what do they mean? K, M, T, I really don't know!**


	3. Chapter 3

'Something wrong?' Olivia asked, while taking a huge bite of her chocolate. She looked at Elliot and shrugged.

'We, err, pushed your bloodtests, because we knew you wanted to leave.' He mumbled. Olivia thought that as a doctor he should be used to giving bad news, but she couldn't imagine what it was. 'And we took a close look at your MRI scan.'

'Spill it.' She said with a mouth full of chocolate. She quickly swallowed and then licked her lips clean. 'What is it?'

'Do you want to speak in private or should I just tell you.'

'Just tell me, these men are the closest I have resembling family, they can know.' She said, now very curious.

'You have leukemia.' He said quick.

'What?' She was shocked.

'Leukemia.'

'Like...' She muttered. '...Like in "Cancer"?'

'Yes.'

Elliot squeezed her hand. She looked at him, then back at the doctor. 'So what are we gonna do?'

'I wanted to explain that to you at another time, when it's a little less hectic around here.' He sighed. 'In private, perhaps?' He added.

'Please.' She let go of elliot's hand and rubbed the bridge of her nose. 'Just tell me.'

The doctor sighed again. 'We need to start chemo right away.'

'How big are my chances of survival?'

The doctor looked at the chart. Probably not to gain some information from it, but rather to gain time. 'Nowadays, less and less people die from it. We are able to treat it better and chances that it returns are getting slimmer and slimmer every day.'

'Don't sugar-code it. Give me numbers, anything.'

'I can't give you a precise number, but you could be thinking of 5 maybe 6%.'

'Of me living?' Olivia turned white like a ghost.

'No! No! I'm sorry, you have a 5% chance of dying. About 95% of staying alive.'

'So my chances are good then? I mean, that's pretty low.'

'There are a couple different types of Leukemia.'

'And of course I have the one that kills me fast, right?'

'I'm sorry.'

'Treatable?'

'Yes. Acute Leukemia is still very treatable. We just have to start Chemo.'

'Let's do it.' She sighed. 'When do we start?'

'We want you to recover from the accident. But we're hoping to see you back here in about a week. We'll make an appointment and then a specialist will explain everything to you, the chemo, recovering, and other things.'

'What other things?'

'Well…' The doctor sighed. 'Chemo is very hard. You have to discuss…' He looked at Elliot and Don. 'Whether or not you'll be working when on it.'

'That's preposterous. Of course I'll be working.' She said with all confidence in the world that it was the truth.

'The specialist will explain how difficult it'll be to work, let alone do other things.'

'Fine.' She crossed her arms. 'When will I be leaving? The hospital I mean.'

'Tomorrow morning?'

'Sounds good.' After thanking him, the doctor left so Olivia and her friends could discuss things. Elliot had no idea what to say to her. Even though the doctor had told them she had a fairly good chance of surviving this, a chance even bigger than dying from it, Elliot had an odd feeling. He kept quiet and listened to the conversation she was having with Cragen, a man she always felt very close to, he was like her father figure, something he joked about all the time. The entire squad by the way. Everyone saw Cragen as "father" of the squad, earning him the nickname "dad". But right now, after hearing this devastating news, it wasn't as much as a joke anymore. It was going to be Cragen who was going to hold the team together, briefing them about Olivia's situation. It was odd that he was still thinking about this.

'I'm gonna get some coffee, how 'bout you youngsters talk a bit?'

'Sounds good. No sugar.'

'I know you.' He left her rooms. As soon as he did, Olivia leaned foreword, like she was going to tell a secret.

'Even hospital-coffee is better than the nuclear waste Munch manages to produce.' She quipped. They shared an awkward laugh before Elliot tried to start a conversation.

'So...' Elliot started.

'So...' She copied him.

'I'm sorry.' He blurted.

'For what? She smirked. 'Did you give me cancer? Damn it, Elliot, I told you not to do that.'

He smirked too, liking how she could still be joking about things. 'No, I'm sorry about acting like an ass earlier.' He should have been more supportive instead of sitting there like a fool. 'I'm sorry you have cancer.'

'It's fine, I get it. You're uncomfortable with the situation.'

'I'm gonna be there for you.' He said quickly.

It was quiet for a short time. 'El, I'm not pregnant, I'm gonna die.'

He knew it was an option, but still it came as a shock to him. Knowing that she knew that. 'No you're not.'

'Yes, Elliot, I am.'

'No, you're not.'

'El, c'mon, I don't wanna do this right now.'

'Sorry.'

'I know you know.'

'That I know what?'

'I know you know that I'm gonna die.' She looked out the window. 'I can see it in your eyes, I can always see it. Your gut is telling you something, and your gut is always right. When that doctor started talking about chances of survival your eyes just went black. Like you were seeing into the future or whatever. Elliot, you know I'm gonna die, don't you?'

He couldn't be sure. 'I can't be sure...'

'What does your gut say?'

'Honestly?'

'Yeah.'

_I'm gonna be at your funeral in a year. _That's what he thought. But he'd never say it aloud. 'My gut is saying that you're gonna be sick for a long time, but you will get better. Just don't give up, the cancer'll go away.'

'Thanks for lying.' She smiled. 'Just get me some chocolate.' She demanded. 'And no nuts and raisin. I want pure chocolate. And coffee.'

'As you wish, my lady.' He smirked as he kissed her hand. 'I shall return to you with chocolate and coffee after I sleigh the beast.'

'Good.'

* * *

The next morning, the morning they told her she was allowed to leave, things got worse. Olivia had a bad reaction to something, no one could figure out to what exactly, and she was forced to stay another day. When Elliot and the others got news of this, they all knew they had to stay out of her way, because she was gonna be pissed as hell. Nobody should be around Olivia Benson when she is pissed as hell. Last time she kicked a suspect into confessing. No, that's not entirely true. She was angry when the doctor first proposed she'd stay a couple of days. According to him, she had thrown a bedpan at them for even suggesting it. But they couldn't leave her alone, and very bored, so Elliot sacrificed himself.

'Allright. I'll go.' He said.

'You're a brave man, Elliot Stabler.' Munch said while patting his coworkers shoulder. 'I wish you good luck.'

'I'm really gonna miss you.' Fin said while shaking his head. 'You're still so young.'

'I salute you.' Cragen smiled, joining the others. 'Try to return in one piece. Also, tell her we miss her.'

All the other policemen, who knew Olivia even the slightest bit, decided to join as well. Most of them knew that no one, absolutely no one, should ever force Olivia Benson to do something she didn't want to do. Staying at a hospital was almost on the top of her don't-force-me-to-do-this list. The policemen who knew this, the ones who didn't too by the way, formed a line on each side of the hallway, all cooperating in one big salute until Elliot reached the elevator, smirking. Olivia was gonna love this. The drive to the hospital didn't take very long, much to his dismay, so he decided the stairs were just very steep. Once he got to her floor he wasn't all that surprised to see that each and every nurse, doctor, patient and visitor went around the entrance of her room with a big bow, trying to stay as far away as possible. He decided to get some info on her before he entered. It was the right choice.

'So…' He started. 'How's Olivia…' He couldn't finish his sentence because the nurse did it for him.

'Benson? Olivia Benson? You know her?'

'Yes...'

'Are you here to visit her?' She asked, in a way he could only describe as desperate, relieved and perhaps overjoyed.

'Yes.'

'Oh thank god.'

'Has she been that bad?' He asked, a little bit proud of Olivia, not knowing why.

'"Bad" is the understatement of the century. She has been horrible.'

'What did she do?' He asked smirking. 'This time.' He decided to add.

'She tried to escape a couple of times. But we caught her every time. She demanded to wear her own clothes and after she had thrown everything in reach to our heads we decided to give in. Then she tried to get out another few times before we had to tell her we'd strap her to the bed if she'd tried to leave again. After that she has been saying such nasty words and treads so vile we decided not to enter her room anymore. She has made nurse Paul cry. And some of the visitors and patients who tried to lift her spirit.' She sighed. 'Please tell me there's a way to stop it.'

'It will only stop when It is released from the hospital.' He referred to Olivia as "It". 'But when you give It a nice cup of coffee, It'll be in a much better mood.'

She smirked. 'You know which room?'

'Yeah. Thanks.' He tried winning some time by looking at his phone, but then he just had to face it. He walked to her room and knocked before walking in.

'Hey Liv…' He tried, carefully.

'You look scared.' She smirked and shook her head. 'Just come in.'

'Promise you won't throw anything?'

'God… Yes, I promise. I cross my heart, now do you come in?'

He laughed. 'How're you?'

'Just peachy.' She smiled sarcastically.

'So. I hear you've been giving the hospital staff some trouble.'

'They mixed up something, almost killing me, and then they keep me here. They should get worse.'

'How did they almost kill you?'

'I dunno. Something about IV's. I dunno.'

'Cragen heard from the doctor that whatever happened couldn't have possibly lead to your death.' He smirked. 'So you're kinda overreacting.'

'Shut up. I almost died.' When he stepped closer, she clung to his arm and started pouting. 'Sneak me out?'

He smirked, mostly at the sight of Olivia pouting, but also at her drama-queen-like acting. 'No, Liv, I can't.'

'I'll hide under your coat. No one has to know!'

'No. But I brought you chocolate.' He handed her the bar, but couldn't get out of the way fast enough, as she had thrown it back at his face. It snapped in half on his cheek, causing it to bruise. 'Damn! Olivia that really hurt.' He rubbed his cheek, before looking at her. She had a smug grin on her face and didn't look remorseful at all as she apologized.

'Yeah right.' He answered to her apology. He sat down at the seat beside the bed. 'What did you do all day?'

'Ehh, I watched some TV, thought of mean things to say to the nurses, making break out plans. You know, the usual.' She still had her smug grin on her face.

'Heard you made a male nurse cry. How?'

'Oh, you're gonna hate me for this.'

'What did you say?'

'Well, he returned me to my room a couple of times when I tried to get out. And then we got into an argument and I might have asked if his family knew he was gay.'

'Liv!' He raised his eyebrows. 'You didn't?'

'Well, that was not what he started crying about.'

'Dear god. What did you say that was worse than that?'

'He told me that his family knew.' She crossed her arms. 'And then I said something like, ehhh, they must be so proud of you.' She sighed. 'And then I made a couple of treads on his life.' She smiled a little. 'And called him names. But nothing like "gay". Just ordinary insults.'

'I couldn't be prouder.' He said. 'You are horrible.'

'I know. I really should apologize.' When he nodded, she continued. 'I'll do so tomorrow morning when I leave.'

'You need a ride?' He asked.

She smirked, happy he made this proposition. Happy she didn't have to ask. 'Yes please.' Then she remembered something. 'Oh, I'm such a bitch!' She exclaimed.

'That's true.' He said. 'Why though? Did you just realize that?'

'Har-dy-har. No.' She uncrossed her arms and placed one on each side of her. 'What happened with you and Kathy?'

'We split up.' He sighed. 'She's probably going to her mother or whatever.'

'That's rough. When is she coming back?'

'She isn't, Liv, we're getting a divorce.'

'What?' She barked. 'You can't be serious! You can't do that! Elliot, this madness has to stop. You need to go to her, apologize the crap out of yourself and beg her to take you back! You should try relationship therapy, anything. Just not a divorce. Think of your kids.'

'Olivia…' He looked at her, with a strange look on his face. 'We already had this discussion.'

'What?' She asked again.

'You know, at Pat's, before the accident. Don't you remember? You said the exact same thing.'

'Did I? Are you sure? I really don't remember.'

'Could be because of the head injury.'

'I guess.' She looked at her clock. 'Visitinghours are almost over. Though I don't think any of the nurses will have the guts to come and get you.'

He laughed shortly. 'I don't think either. But I'll save them the trouble.' He kissed her forehead. 'I'll see you tomorrow, eight o'clock, to pick you up. Ok?'

'Sounds good, thanks again. See you tomorrow.' She smirked. 'Bring Starbucks.'

'Are you paying?'

'Hell no. I'm piteous. I've been in a horrible accident, I'm lucky to be alive! And then I almost got killed again by the incompetent staff of this rather dirty hospital. Besides, I am the lady.'

'You've already said that. Yesterday actually. That first part after the accident and the I-am-a-lady thing before the accident.'

'Damn! I've got some holes in my memory. Quick test. You have four children: Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzy.' He nodded. 'Munch is a crazy conspiracy-theory believer who makes horrible coffee.'

He nodded again. 'We call it "Nuclear waste"'

'Sounds about right.' She continued. 'Fin, or Odafin Tutuola has been on the team for a year?' Elliot nodded again. 'I have the worst taste in men?'

'I've yet to like a single one of your boyfriends.'

'I'm not dating now, am I?'

'Nope.'

'Good.' She sighed happily. 'Then I think I remember almost everything correctly. Except yesterday.'

'You're allowed to.'

'Starbucks, tomorrow, Eight o'clock. Don't be late. If you are, I'm gonna be such a pain in the ass of the nurses, they'll be waiting for you in front of the building, holding bats, ready to punish you for being late.'

'I get it.'

'Good.' She waved. He did to, and then he left her room. Outside most of the nurses were waiting. One was holding some bandages, probably as a joke and another one stood ready to give him first aid, holding a little red case.

'She's fine.' He said. 'Just her grumpy little self.'

'I heard that!' Olivia yelled from her room. The nurses scattered, they seemed really terrified.

He strangely thought it was funny. Then he left, going to Olivia's apartment. Seeing as he had no other place to sleep at the moment. He hadn't been completely truthful to her. When he had called Kathy, she told him to fuck off and that he wasn't welcome anymore. Not even to stay on the couch. Today he'd sleep at Liv's and then tomorrow, after bringing her to her own apartment, he would get some stuff from his "old" home and search for a new place. Wouldn't find it the first say, so he was gonna stay at some horrible disgusting hotel. Therefor he was glad Olivia's place was available, and who knows, maybe she had some spare clothes for him. He remembered her telling him once about this guy she'd been seeing for a while. He would keep a spare suit in her closet, just in case. They were together for a few months, he replaced the suit a few times because he actually used it. This, of course, pained Elliot a bit. Because thinking the man needed a clean suit could only be the result of him staying over. He was always rather jealous of the men Olivia dated. Especially when she decided to talk about them. How they were so great and sweet or such asses and perv's. Knowing that she had slept with them all. Now, he wasn't calling her a slut or anything, she could do what she wanted, and with whomever she wanted to do it with. But he felt protective of her, not quite as if she was his sister, no, that would be really weird, because in some way, he must admit, he was a little bit attracted to her. A little bit? Okay, maybe a whole lot. Who could deny that she was a beautiful woman? Just look at her. Big dark eyes, long dark hair, a nice skin and a very hot body.  
And soon, those beautiful big dark eyes would become rather dull and tired, that long dark hair would disappear, that nice, tanned skin would become a little grey and her hot, hot, hot body would become thin and worn-out. He knew chemo was hard, he just wasn't sure if it was worth it. He knew, and she knew, that she was gonna die. It would be a waste to see all of her beauty go to waste, just so she could have a couple more days.  
No! He told himself. Don't think like that. She's gonna make it. The chemo is gonna kill the cancer and then she'll regain all of what she lost because of it. And she'll be that beautiful woman once more. He was sure of it. Or not quite.

**N/B: I'm so sorry that I took so long to update. I was a little troubled with the disease. I really don't know anything of cancer, I guess I'm the lucky one who never had to experience any of my relatives going trough it. So again, I'm sorry. If you in fact do know someone who has this horrible disease, and you feel like you want to help me, please do. I can use all the help. **

**This story is gonna be about 20 chapters, last four are from different POV's but they go around the same time. **

**I love reviews!**

**Aan al mijn Nederlandse lezers, ik vind het geweldig dat ik niet de enige Nederlander ben die dol is op SVU! Jullie zijn fantastisch! **


	4. Chapter 4

'Oh damn it!' He cried out loud as he got out of HER bed. He had overslept, it was already 7.45-ish. He was supposed to pick her up in an half hour, but the drive alone took that long. And he looked like hell, he hadn't shaved, showered or anything. And his one bag, the only one he was able to get from Kathy after she threatened to burn everything if he'd come back, well, his bag was empty because all of his belongings were scattered over HER apartment. One could say that the news had gotten him rather upset and then he had gotten himself a little drunk. Getting home drunk, angry, scared and mortified, seeing the bag as his only belonging and decided that therefor it was the reason behind all his trouble, and then taking it out on the bag. Poor bag. Now, as he saw it, he had two choices. He could either let his stuff on the ground and get her from the hospital and she would stuff all his things up his ass. Or he would clean up, get a little late and the nurses would shove a couple of bats up his ass. Either choice he would get objects in placed he didn't want them in. He decided on getting on time. Dressing quicker than the speed of light, running down the stairs, tripping almost twice, before jumping in his car and deserving a few speed tickets. He was lucky he didn't cause any accidents or that there wasn't any police. He ran up to her room, knocking before blatantly walking in.

'Liv..?' He looked, but she wasn't there. A nurse walked by. 'Excuse me, where's Olivia Benson?' He asked her kindly.

'Olivia Benson? Isn't she in her room?' The nurse threw her hands in the air. 'Oh damn it!'

Then, all of a sudden, Olivia walked out of the bedroom, buttoning her jeans. 'What's the fuss?'

'You were in the bathroom? Couldn't you have answered?' Elliot demanded to know.

'I don't speak when I'm on the toilet.'

'Cause you're a lady.'

'Shut up. I want real food, not this hospital-crap.' She grabbed her bag and his arm. 'Let's go.'

'Yes Ma'am.' And with that said they walked downstairs, to the car.

'Wait, before we grab something to eat, I'd like to change. Can we go by my place first?'

Crap. 'Ehhh Yes.'

'What's wrong?' She asked while looking at herself in the mirror.

'Well, I sort-of didn't have a place to stay.'

'Yeah?'

'Kathy kicked my ass out.'

'Sorry.' She said after closing the mirror. 'Do you need to stay at my place? My couch is pretty comfy.'

'I sort-of…Ehhh…Already was…' He said. 'I'm sorry I didn't ask you! But you were injured and not right in the head and stuff…So…I….Just...'

'El, it's fine. Wished you'd asked, but you didn't. I get it.' She sighed, but then she got her familiar cheeky smile. 'But because you called me messed up in the head, and I assume made a mess out of my apartment otherwise you wouldn't have said a thing, you're paying for dinner.'

'Should have seen that one coming.'

'Yeah, for some reason you never do.' She poked his stomach. She was herself. He looked at her, he loved her. 'EL! WATCH OUT!' She yelled.

He didn't look at her anymore and focused on the road. He had ignored a red light and was about to hit a cab. 'FUCK!' He screamed as he was able not to hit it by just a millimeter. They drove on in silence for a few minutes, still rather shocked.

'I suppose it'd be good revenge on all cabbies for driving into me.' Olivia broke the silence. He gave her a mortified look. 'What?' She smirked.

'You are a horrible, horrible person.' He shook his head. 'It was your own fault for getting hit.'

'Thanks.' She smiled. They drove to her apartment and after she decided he hadn't wrecked it too badly, they went to Pat's. She ordered the usual, without pronouncing it of course. He decided to go healthy and ordered a chickensandwhich.

'Someone is being healthy.' She smirked. 'And why is that, El?'

'Seeing as I'm a free man now…'

'You're a pig.' She said before he could finish his sentence. 'You're going to the gym?'

'Yeah.'

'So you won't be fat and ugly anymore? Just ugly.'

'Shut up and eat your meal.'

'Not here yet.' She made a hand gesture. 'But in all seriousness. What's gonna happen with you and Kathy?'

He sighed. 'I hope I can get my things before she burns them.' He saw her chuckle a little bit, though she tried her best to hide it. 'What's funny?'

'It's what I would do.'

'You think I deserve it?' He asked, but had to wait for a reply, seeing as the waiter brought them their food. 'Liv?'

She sighed and shook her head. 'No El. It's just…something women like to do when they're mad.' She saw the strange look he was giving her. 'Or so I'm told.' She shrugged and took a sip of her milkshake. 'So what else? Divorce, lawyers, custody fights?'

'All of the above. Kathy is pissed as hell and she's gonna get revenge.'

'She can't take your kids away, can she?'

He was silent.

'She can't. I'm sure she can't. You are a good father and a cop. The judge is gonna rule in your favor.'

'Meaning that I'll only see my kids in the weekend. Liv, cops don't make good parents, we're at work all the time, you know that. I probably know the judge, so if the guy doesn't see me as a hothead, I'll be fine. But if he does, I'm screwed.' He looked at her, her face was a little bit weird, like she didn't understand. 'Liv?'

With short burst of breath she was able to say: 'Gotta sneeze.'

'Oh, here.' He gave her a napkin just in time, otherwise the entire table would've been covered. She looked at the napkin and turned very pale.

'Liv?'

'It's blood.' She stated. 'It never really freaked me out or anything, but now it does.' He looked at the napkin she was holding, the blood was showing a little and started to get absorbed by the piece of paper.

'Figured out what you gonna do?' He asked.

'Doctor told me I need chemo, so there's that. And eating healthy I suppose, I read online somewhere that some vegetables are like better than others, and eating them a lot is supposed to make you healthier. But I don't know, it's worth a shot though.'

'Want me to come with you?' He asked. 'To chemo.'

'Naw. You don't need to, El. I'm a big girl, I know how to swim. You go take care of your own things.'

* * *

The monday of her first chemo had finally arrived. God, how Olivia wished Elliot was here, but she couldn't ask that from him. No, he had his own things, he shouldn't be forced to hold his baby-like partners hand while she sobbed because of the pinprick in her arm. What would he think? No, no, Olivia, she told herself, you can do this. Let's take little steps, one at a time. First you're gonna get out of bed and into the shower. That doesn't sound that scary, does it? So she did what she told herself to do. And now? Now, Olivia, you're going to prepare yourself some breakfast, the most important meal of the day.

'God, you're insane.' She mumbled to herself. 'Talking to yourself and shit.'

After her usual breakfast-coffee, she decided she wanted a bagel. So this is the plan: You'll drive yourself to that lovely place that sells those delicious bagels, then you'll drive to the hospital. Ok. Now it was getting scary, she hated hospitals, didn't know why, just hated them. But she did it anyway. After she had arrived she walked up the stairs to the main entrance. Ok, keep calm, it's gonna be fine. Fuck Elliot for leaving her alone, he of all people should know how much this freaked her out. She sure as hell would kick his ass when she got back to the 1-16. She walked to the desk-clerk.

'Olivia Benson.' She said. 'I'm here for my talk and…ehh…my chemo?' She asked.

'Of course, miss Benson. I heard lovely stories about you.' The face of the clerk went from sweet to sour, and Olivia knew she was in trouble. 'It's on the sixth floor, elevators are out of order.'

'TRACY!' A man yelled from behind. 'I heard that, I'm sorry, Miss Benson?'

The man who had defended her so kindly was an handsome young doctor, probably not even two, three years older. She liked him. 'Yes, Olivia Benson.' She shook his hand. 'Do you know where the chemo thingy's are?'

'Yes, I do. Can I walk with you?'

'Yes please.' He accompanied her to the elevator. 'So, what's your name?'

'Can't you read the name-tag?' He asked, when she leaned in to read it, he covered it playfully with his hand. Then he held out his other hand. 'It's Perry Cox, nice to meet you.'

She smirked. 'Nice to meet you too.'

'Olivia…' He started. 'I hope this isn't too bold, but would you hate me if I'd ask you out to dinner?'

She smirked again. 'No, not at all. I'd love to.' Then she remembered something. 'But you do know I've cancer right? Do you wanna get into that mess right now?'

'It's an inconvenience, I admit. But it doesn't bother me that much, in fact, I think I'd be of great help to you.' He stated. 'Who is your specialist?'

'I believe it's Walter Mickhead? Can that be right?'

'Mickhead? Really? He's horrible.'

'I didn't notice it before, but with his name and all, did he get called names a lot?'

'Yeah, we call him "Whale", because "Walter" sounds a bit like it.'

She looked at him, when she noticed his smirk and the look in his eyes, she realized it was a quip.

'So, can I have your number?' He asked, seeing as the elevator had almost reached the correct floor.

'Sure, but I gotta tell you, I'm a cop. Hope that doesn't scare you.' She offered him her business card, the ones she always had a couple of in her purse.

'Not at all, I love strong women.' He gladly accepted the piece of paper, placed it in his front pocket and then escorted her out of the elevator, which doors had just opened. 'I'll call you.'

'I'll be waiting.' After they waved, as a form of goodbye, she walked to the ward. This is your life now. She sighed. She knocked on the door which said "doctor Mickhead" and after he said "come in" she came in. He stood up and shook her hand.

'I'm Walter Mickhead, I'll be your specialist for the next couple months.'

'Olivia Benson.'

'Please sit down, please sit down.' He took a file from his desk. 'So tell me, what do you know about chemo?'

Pff, she didn't know anything. 'Isn't it, like, a liquid that you put into my blood that kill the cancer?'

'That's about all it is, really, not much more I can add to that.'

'I heard you get really sick from it. That true?'

'Yes, I'm afraid, the Chemo doesn't just attack the "bad cells". It also destroys the good ones. You'll get nauseous, your hair will fall out, but not everybody experiences that. You'll be tired all the time.'

'Sounds great.' She interrupted him. 'When do we start?'

'I actually wanted to start right away, if that's possible.'

'I figured.'

He sighed. 'I heard you wanna keep working during the Chemo therapy?'

'That's true. I really want to do things.'

'After today you'll seriously reconsider that.'

* * *

Olivia got home, feeling, well, feeling worse then she imagined. She laid down on the couch, wondering if she might already be dying. She couched, the urge to vomit getting stronger by the minute. Cragen told her to stay home, but she told him that she would be in at twelve thirty. And she was gonna be in. She still had a good hour on her hands before she had to start getting ready. So she just sat next to the toilet, just in case, cursing Dr. Dickhead and Elliot. The hour passed pretty quickly, but still she felt like she had the worst hangover in the world. How could she possibly do this every week? She was gonna die! Oh wait, she actually was. Hmm, wrong wordchoice. After that thought she was gagging again. She hated that. Make up your mind, stomach, either do or don't, I'm getting sick of you!

* * *

The next morning she was feeling a tad better, which was really lucky, seeing as she had to work today. After a quick shower and making breakfast that she could even take a bite of, she was off to work. When she walked into the bullpen, everything seemed normal. She knew only a handful of people knew, her best friends Casey and Alex didn't even know. How was she going to tell her best friends she was gonna die? No, Olivia, don't think like that, you're gonna make it. She sighed.

'Hey Liv.' Munch said after handing her a cup of coffee.

'You made this?' She asked while looking at it.

'Yes, I did. Especially for you.'

'I'm very thankful that you want to save me a lot of time being sick and just skip to the dying part, but no thank you.' She quipped. She saw his face going from awkward to extremely awkward. He clearly had no idea how to handle this. 'It's a joke, John, I was kidding.' To make some sort of a peace offer she took a sip from the cup. 'Mmmmmm. Delicious.' She lied.

'Thanks, Olivia.' He said, sarcastically. 'So did Cap put you on desk duty or what?'

'I dunno. He hasn't told me yet, but I'm guessing that's his plan.' She sighed. She really didn't want desk duty, it was the most boring thing in the universe. But even worse was when Elliot and the other members of the squad came back, telling hero stories, and she just sat there with a face of you-might-have-saved-a-childs-life-but-I-ate-a-bag el.-compete-with-that. God she hated that. Well, better get it over with, she walked to his office and knocked on the door, suddenly feeling very nauseous.

'Come in.' He said, she did. 'Hi, Liv, how're you feeling?'

'Ok, I guess. I haven't thrown up yet, which according to my incompetent doctor and wikipedia is very rare.'

He smirked. 'You think you can do chemo every week?'

'I dunno, it's just very hard. And I hate the hospitals.' After saying that she thought about the cute doctor she'd met. Okay, maybe she didn't hate hospitals that much anymore.

'We're all here for you.' He said. 'Now, about your job...'

'You want me riding a desk, don't you?'

'I'd rather have that, if you wouldn't mind.'

'I hate it, but I get why. But maybe, sometimes, when I'm not that sick, can I just, you know, sort of...'

'I suppose you can go in the field sometimes.' He gave in. 'But only with Elliot, and not longer than a couple of minutes.'

'Thank you, Don, I really appreciate that.'

He smirked. 'You're welcome.' Then he got serious again. 'But in return I want you to tell me, immediately, if and when you're feeling sick. Because then your ass is home. You get me?'

'Yes, I do. I'll tell you when, promise.'

'Off you go.'

**N/B: Thanks for sticking with me. I don't know if anything is remotely correct, but I don't really care. It's gonna be such an amazing story, believe me, I have a big twist about halfway. I don't know if it's possible, but I want it to be, therefor: it is possible. **

**As always: I love reviews. Please make my day by saying something good (or bad, I love reconstructing criticism)  
**


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